5 Reasons Why "Letting Go" Is So Difficult


My earliest memory of "letting go" something takes me back to my toddler years. I was so used to the feeding bottle, and I couldn't understand why my parents insisted that I get used to a cup.

I am an adult now. (I sometimes have to convince my self this!) During the years that have gone by, I have had to "let go" of many things. I am sure that you too, must have had your share. It could be shifting houses, migrating to another country, changing jobs, relationship break-ups, the death of a loved one ..... The list goes on. The reality is that Change - is The Only Constant In Life. Life is such that sooner or later we have to "let go" something or someone we have become attached to.

If you asked someone for advice on a "let go" matter, you probably have got lectures. Something in the lines of "Take my advice, I don't use it anyway". "Leave", "get over it", "move one", "You will get used to it". Have you gotten any of that lately? I am sure they all mean well. However, these are the very things that you might not want to hear. Yes, it is easy for a by-stander to give advice. I, on the other hand believe in,Practice What You Peach.

Think of the last time you were in a "letting go" situation. Did you enjoy it ? Was the decision to "let go" easy? Of course, it depends on what (or whom) you let go of and how emotionally attached you were. Have you every wondered why it is so difficult? If "letting go" was part and parcel of life, then shouldn't it be a little more easy? Does it get easy with experience? Does it get better with age ? Perhaps not.

So why is "letting go" so difficult? In one sentence, I can say "we make it difficult" or rather, "our way of thinking makes it difficult". Now, for more elaborate reasons.

#1.Transition from known to Unknown
When your in your "comfortable zone" its comfortable! You like it. It is convenient, and you are used to it. It doesn't require additional risk.

#2.Fear
I believe that fear is due to the uncertainty. Uncertainty of the future. "How will I manage without him/her ?", "Will I be able to learn the new skills need for the new job?" Basically, fear of change and the adjustments that follow. The truth is, most people want to change. But they want results, without any effort.

#3."Why"
You keep wondering "why did this happen to me?". As I have mentioned in previous posts, I think only God has the answers to all “why” questions. In the meantime, you can ask a different question. “What did I learn?”

#4. Wait and See
You keep thinking, "I will hang around a bit and see", "May be things will be better”, “May the next financial year my boss will give me a raise". Sounds familiar? You might be trying to figure out what is the "right time" to let go.

#5. Guilt
"Is this the right thing to do?", "Will I hurt him/her by doing this?", "How will the company manage without me?"

Do you agree with me?


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4 comments:

Lisa said...

Sham,

Please let me know if you received a previous comment on this post by me. I'm having a lot of trouble leaving posts on certain blogs due to something pertaining to my password? I have no clue what's up. Maybe you could email me instead of posting this...
againali@verizon.net

Thanks,
Lisa

Marta said...

I definitely agree. Getting used to new situations is very hard, especially when it comes to big things in our lives that you mentioned.

We are mostly affraid of what's coming. AS you said we got used to a current situation and we feel comfortable in it. And how to leave something that is so familiar and makes us feel happy. Then we question ourselves why it happened to us. We are seeking guilt within ourselves and don't try to get used to the new situation.

I recently read a very good book about letting go and seeing change as something positive. It is called "Who took my cheese". Even though the title seems silly, the book has a lot of messages that seem so simple and yet so hard to apply when the change happens to us.

I it might be equally hard each time when we have to go through changes but maybe we do eventually learn that we are able to manage it, to move on and enjoy the journey to our new happy place. I don't know...

There is this nice quote from Paulo Coelho that says more less that Staying too long in the same moment doesn't let us enjoy the new adventure.

me said...

i agree with the statements- people want changes but they are afraid of them. and ofcourse there are all the other reasons aswell.
in my opinion people are too self-centered. letting go of things weakens us, makes us feel rejected. and noone wants to feel rejected because humans are social animals and when rejected, we aren't part of the "herd" anymore.
anyway and i agree with marta aswell

Nirojan Donald said...

My theory of letting go is that; its attached to the level of planning of your life. Those who plan and prepare their life for many decades may find it difficult to let go things from their limits, expecting everything will be needed for their life at some point, may be making themselves hoarded with their thoughts and belongings. While for those who live and enjoy their life on a daily basis, letting go would not be that hard, i suppose.

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