About a week ago, a good friend of mine broke up with his girl friend of 3 years. There were many reasons for the break up, but he summed it up by saying, “complicated practicalities”. I called him up last night to check up on him. It is hard enough going through a break-up but I suppose it is even more difficult when valentine day is around the corner. As expected he was feeling down and was full of self-pity. After complaining about his situation for several minutes, he sighed and said, “I give up. I don’t understand women.”
I bet he is not the only one. Men, through the ages have thrown up their hands in surrender, after battling one of womankind!
So this post is something I put together, to help him and others, who are in similar situations. It is dedicated (but not limited) to those of you who will be spending this Valentine’s day drinking Bleach Schnapps and jumping off fire escapes!
So You Wanna Understand Women?I am aware that dealing with women is a topic of vital importance to most men. I won’t lie to you, or hold out some ridiculous claim that reading this post, will instantly turn you into a super-stud women understanding machine. Nevertheless, this post will get you closer, from where you are now. After all, women are complicated creatures!
Let’s get started, we have got a lot of work to do!
3 Facts to keep in mind, AlwaysFact #1: Men are still from mars, and women are still from Venus
Yes, I know; you already know that right? However, I must remind you THIS is the root cause of all problems. I think the one thing that men and women have in common is that they are from the same species.
Here is an excerpt, from Doug and Barbara Pease’s book,Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It with some good examples!
When a man goes to a rest room, he usually goes for one reason and one reason only. Women use rest rooms as social lounges and therapy rooms. Women who go to a rest room as total strangers, can come out as best friends and lifelong buddies. But everyone would be instantly suspicious of the man who called out, “Hey Frank, I am going to the toilet, you wanna come with me?”
Men dominate TV remote controls and flick through the channels; women don’t mind watching the TV commercials. Under pressure men drink alcohol and invade other countries; women eat chocolate and go shopping!
Just as much as men are trying to understand women, women are also trying to understand men! It is a continuous cycle.
Fact #2: Women… each and every one of them is unique. Once you figure one of them out, another will throw you a curve ball!
All women are not the same; all relationships aren’t either. Just because you know one woman, doesn’t mean the same “style and strategy” will work with all other women. Comparing each other won’t help either!
Fact #3:Man has will, but woman has her way
At family reunions, there is an embarrassing story that practically everyone keeps reminding my cousin brother. They laugh and tease him about it, to date! Let me share it with you (and hope my neck doesn’t get chopped off!). When he was in forth grade he had a crush on a girl. I think it was his first crush. One day she received a note from her saying, “I like you; Do you like me? ”. Obviously, he was over the moon! Later that day he went over to talk to her on the playground. She was standing with a group of her friends. When he was approaching her, she had pointed at him, and everyone has giggled. Sadly, it was a big joke it was considered a joke by these 11 year olds. But my cousin was very upset and he refused to go to school for about a month!
Anyways, what I mean to say is that, the typical guy is usually clueless about the mind games women play. You better be aware of what’s going on.
What does she really mean?
The great question that has never been answered and which I have not get been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a women want?" ~Sigmund Freud
#1. Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]
Listen and don’t offer advice until it is asked.
I wrote a post about this a couple of weeks ago. If you want to be understood
#2. "Yeah yeah, you look fine" is not a compliment. Show some interest in our lives! We appreciate attentiveness.
#3. Nothing says "I love you" like offering to go to the grocery store! Try to do what they are waiting for you to do.
#4. Don’t take everything we do for granted
#5. Be okay with our independence
#6. Pay close attention (there might be a quiz later)
#7. Do unexpected stuff. I mean NICE unexpected stuff!
#8. Remember dates. If you forget use the assistance of technology to remind you (But don’t tell her that!).
#9. "My eyes are up here ...", need I say more?
#10. I don’t want to talk about it = Go away, I need some space.
#11. I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
#12. Be yourself. Don't try to be anything but yourself. Generally, women know if you are really trying, not to be you!
This blog would probably run out of storage space, if I try to detail out every delicate thing.Having said all this, it can be easily summarized into one point.
Guys, we are complicated, messy, and hard to understand....sometimes ;-) While there are many articles offering you "magical insight", what will work for you will be how well you communicate. If you want to know something, just ask. The true solution will come when we are finally able to encourage open and honest communication. As I said before, no two women are exactly the same so sometimes a generic answer will only help you to understand the one you care about even less.
Perhaps, Helen Rowland has the best of advice anyone can ever offer.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot, and not try to understand her at all. ~Helen Rowland
Ladies...Are you with me? Have I left out anything? What have you got to share?
and gentlemen... Is there a guide to understanding men? lol ;-)
These steps are easy to learn and remember. With practice (and patience) you will master them and will be more successful in understanding women, than you ever imagined. Good Luck and Happy Valentines day. Hope you have a good one!
Note:If you have read up to this point, it shows that you have a genuine interest in the subject. Don’t let the journey end here; check out these books. These books offer more superior wisdom, than I ever can!
* GenderSmart: Solving The Communication Puzzle Between Men and Women
* What Women Want: What Every Man Needs to Know About Sex, Romance, Passion, and Pleasure
How To Easily (and Lazily!) Make Your Loved One Feel Special
Why Do Smart People Do Stupid Things Sometimes?
Everything Depends On The Lens You Use To See Life
Dale Carnegie Guide To A Happier YOU
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